You Might Be In A Southern Church If...

…The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members know how to play it.

…People ask, when Jesus fed 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

... Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

... The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," then five guys and two women stand up.

... Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

... People think the "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

... The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

... Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.

... In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

... Baptism is referred to as "branding".

... High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.