You Might Be In A Southern Church If...

…The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members know how to play it.

…People ask, when Jesus fed 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

... Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

... The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," then five guys and two women stand up.

... Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

... People think the "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

... The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

... Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.

... In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

... Baptism is referred to as "branding".

... High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

On Being Inconsistant

Frank, one of the fellows I work with each day on a small construction crew pointed out an area of inconsistency in my life yesterday.
He has noticed several times recently as I have had occasion to meet former students in the course of our work and their response is similar. “Is that you Mr. Oates? I never saw you look like that before!” Digging in the coral, tying steel, or pouring concrete has a way of presenting a person differently than a collared shirt and tie.
For the past 29 years teaching, coaching, and administrating a private Christian school in a small community, I have stressed the importance of getting an education, studying and doing homework as the formula to staying out of manual labor.
On this particular day, I greeted an eighth grader who was in my geography class last year when his father came to borrow a tool. I didn’t notice at the time, but he did look me over strangely. Later that day a fellow from many years past was pushing a stroller by our job site. I was walking toward him and said hello. From his expression, I realized he did not know who I was. Even after removing my hat and sunglasses, I still needed to give him my name before he happily greeted me and then said, “You look very different! I never saw you like this before!”
Later that day Frank kiddingly chastised me for having preached a “stay in school” message and now was scratching coral rock into a ditch. Frank is rightfully concerned about the message I am sending to my former students.
His confusion is also interferring with a tenant of his philosophy: “Drugs and alcohol are the road to construction”.

Anyway, STAY IN SCHOOL, DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

"I try to make everybody's day a little more surreal." -- Calvin of Calvin & Hobbes

Truth

Truth consists in the minds giving to things the importance they have in reality.
Jean Danielou

The implication to a follower of Christ are high. What seems most real to us – our material existence or the Kingdom of Heaven. It seems Jesus was contrasting this world and His kingdom often if not exclusively in his teachings. This present world is contrasted with what is most unreal – the Kingdom of God.
We are citizens of this kingdom, joint-heirs with Christ. But it all seems to be in the distant fog.
We are entreated to have the mind of Christ. If we did would we not place more emphasis on that which is real – the Kingdom of Heaven?

checkout any time you like

The foolish woman is boisterous; She is naive, and knows nothing. she sits at the doorway of her house, On a seat in the high places of the city, Calling to those who pass by, Who are making their paths straight: Whoever is naive, let him turn in here; And to him that lacks understanding, she says, “Stolen water is sweet, And bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” But he not know that the dead are there; That her guests are in the depths of Sheol.

Proverbs 9: 13 – 18

flamboyant persuasiveness
covering her shallowness
emptiness

significant, sanctioned
bow and cower before her
deception

smile of deceit
embrace of treachery
captivity

embracing, enchantment
holding decayed flesh
entered,

“You can checkout any time you like,
But you can never leave!”
Eagles – Hotel California

Erin Go Bragh

Two days to go!

St. Patrick's Breastplate

This prayer is often called "St. Patrick's Breastplate" because of those parts of it which seek God's protection. It is also sometimes called "The Deer's Cry".

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.
I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the judgment of Doom.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of devils,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.

I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.
Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness,
Of the Creator of Creation.

The heart Has its Reasons

Blaise Pascal, the brilliant mathematician and Christian apologist
of the seventeenth century, made this remarkable observation:

The heart has its reasons,
of which reason knows nothing . . .

It is the heart which perceives God and not the reason. That is what faith is: God perceived by the heart, not by the reason. . . .
Reason’s last step is the recognition that there are an infinite number of things which are beyond it. It is merely feeble if it does not go as far as to realize that. And from that realization some retreat into denominational familiarity. (Or some form of institutional framework where thinking is not necessary or encouraged.)
I don’t think Pascal was not arguing for subjectivism over reason. He was not saying we should jettison our thinking in favor of sentimentality.
Rather, Pascal was making the observation that learning and reason by themselves are cul-de-sacs. Cul-de-sacs figuratively grow tedious if all you do is go around and around in safety and security. They have limits to what they can truly tell us about reality. Leaving the safety of the cul-de-sac is entering the freeway of mystery and faith. Pascal was arguing that our heart does in fact see, and we must look at life with the heart if we are to embrace a true perspective on our world.

Listen with our Hearts

G. K. Chesterton suggested that our world holds a certain astonishment and fascination,
and that only a world filled with mystery and awe, could adequately account for reality.
Do we as Christians apprehend this fascinating world in which we live?
Do we listen with our hearts, which witness to the world to come?
In his classic, Orthodoxy, Chesterton made this provocative statement
about how Christian orthodoxy provides us with an enchanting view of this present world,
a world full of awe and wonder, a world that points to another.

"How can we be at once astonished at the world and yet at home in it? How can this odd cosmic town. . .give us at once the fascination of a strange town and the comfort and honour of being our own town?. . . . we need this life of practical romance; the combination of something that is strange with something that is secure. We need so to view the world as to combine
as idea of wonder and an idea of welcome. . . . People have fallen into a foolish habit of speaking of orthodoxy as something heavy, humdrum and safe. There never was anything so perilous or so exciting as orthodoxy."

Gaelic Prayer

Deep peace of the
running waves to you.

Deep peace of the
flowng air to you.

Deep peace of the
smiling stars to you.

Deep peace of the
quiet earth to you.

Deep peace of the
watching shepherds to you.

Deep peace of the
Son of Peace to you.

Which Fanasty Super Hero Are You?

I scored as Yoda

A venerated sage with vast power and knowledge, you gently guide forces around you while serving as a champion of the light.

Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not - for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminescent beings are we, not this crude matter! You must feel the Force around you, everywhere.

Yoda is a is a character in the Star Wars universe. More Yoda information is available at the Star Wars Databank.

Take the survey: LINK

The Atheist Who Went to Church

Curious and open to Christianity, Hemant Mehta became the "eBay atheist" when he posted his soul on eBay and began accepting bids to visit churches and then share his thoughts. Some 30 church services later, he's still an atheist. He tells us why, what he does believe in and what Christians should consider when talking to someone with different beliefs.
by Heather Johnson
from Outreach Magazine, March/April 2007

Below are two of the questions and Hemehta's responses:
HJ: Hemant, you're still an atheist, but you say you've learned some things through this experience. And you've wanted others—Christians and non-Christians—to join you as you went through the process of exploring Christianity and its churches. So, what do you hope Christians learn from your observations?
HM: Clearly, most churches have aligned themselves against non-religious people. By adopting this stance, Christians have turned off the people I would think they want to connect with. The combative stance I've observed is an approach that causes people to become apathetic—and even antagonistic—toward religion as a whole. Many evangelical pastors seem to perceive just about everything to be a threat against Christianity. Evolution is a threat. Gay marriage is a threat. A swear word uttered accidentally on television is a threat. Democrats are a threat. I don't see how any of these things pose a threat against Christianity. If someone disagrees with you about politics or social issues or the matter of origins, isn't that just democracy and free speech in action? Why do Christians feel so threatened?
You need to spread the message of Christianity—the message being what Christianity stands for—loving each other, helping the people around you. Those are things everyone can get on board with.
Also, atheists … we're not non-believers. We do believe in a lot of things, but they come from other experiences and other encounters, not necessarily a book.
HJ: What would Christians have to do to change how atheists view them?
HM: Well, for instance, a lady e-mailed me and she said a group of people from her church wanted to do something nice over the weekend. They contacted the mayor of the town and asked if he knew any service projects that they could do. He told them there was an older couple—the guy is a war veteran—and their house needs remodeling. And so they did this kind of extreme home makeover thing. They pitched in, sent the couple away for a weekend to a hotel or something. And they didn't get just church people involved, they invited friends and the couples' neighbors.
So the couple returns and sees what these people have done for them and their house, and they are just overjoyed.
That sort of thing can change views. It had nothing to do with "we're Christians doing this." It was just a group of people doing the Christian thing, just helping these people.
The woman even said they had no idea what the faith of some of the people helping were, what church they attended or if they even attended a church. But the whole point was to do something nice while all these people were together.
And that is the type of thing that is hard to argue with. If that is what your Christianity can do, wonderful! And I can't think of any atheist who would be against that sort of a thing.

Read the entire article.